1 00:00:00,468 --> 00:00:04,802 Mom, I love that you're proud of me, but I'm not a doctor yet. 2 00:00:04,839 --> 00:00:08,206 You can't keep giving my number out to women in your church group 3 00:00:08,242 --> 00:00:10,369 and saying I'll help them. I can't. 4 00:00:10,444 --> 00:00:13,277 Oh, hey, tell your mom the cookies she made are ridic. 5 00:00:13,314 --> 00:00:15,544 Yes, that's him. 6 00:00:16,117 --> 00:00:17,914 It means "ridiculous." 7 00:00:18,252 --> 00:00:20,982 No, there's no reason to shorten that word. 8 00:00:21,022 --> 00:00:23,047 Look, I gotta go. Bye. 9 00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:25,215 Your mom doesn't like me very much, does she? 10 00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:27,159 No, she's crazy about you. 11 00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:29,958 See, you're lying. You're chewing on your hair. 12 00:00:29,997 --> 00:00:33,194 Babe, I can read you like the back of a DVD case. 13 00:00:33,434 --> 00:00:35,061 You chew on your hair when you lie, 14 00:00:35,102 --> 00:00:37,263 you adjust your bra when you're gonna yell at me 15 00:00:37,304 --> 00:00:39,966 and you get a far-off look in your eyes when you narrate in your head. 16 00:00:40,007 --> 00:00:41,269 Even though Cole and I were clicking... 17 00:00:41,308 --> 00:00:45,267 - There it is! - Stop noticing things I do! 18 00:00:45,312 --> 00:00:47,712 Even though Cole and I were clicking, there was another couple 19 00:00:47,748 --> 00:00:50,546 that was even more in sync than we were. 20 00:00:50,584 --> 00:00:53,747 Queer. Hey, before you go study, I need your help. 21 00:00:53,788 --> 00:00:55,551 I have a patient who had to pee on a ski lift, 22 00:00:55,589 --> 00:00:58,080 so she pulled her pants down and her butt froze to the seat. 23 00:00:58,125 --> 00:01:00,525 And when she got off, she lost most of the skin on her ass. 24 00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:02,358 - What's the question? - Can I laugh at that? 25 00:01:02,430 --> 00:01:04,455 - That depends. Is she within earshot? - No. 26 00:01:04,498 --> 00:01:07,433 It's funny. No butt skin. 27 00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:10,366 - I lied. She's right behind you. - What? 28 00:01:12,940 --> 00:01:14,168 Ouch. 29 00:01:14,475 --> 00:01:16,272 Well, chapter 14 is down. 30 00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:19,211 Only 400 more pages to go before the test tomorrow. 31 00:01:19,246 --> 00:01:21,578 I've never had to work this hard in my life. 32 00:01:21,615 --> 00:01:23,082 School's always been easy for me. 33 00:01:23,117 --> 00:01:26,143 Not to brag, but I was my high school and college valedictorian. 34 00:01:26,187 --> 00:01:27,245 - Me, too. - Me, too. 35 00:01:27,288 --> 00:01:29,756 I was on the cover of Time magazine as a 9-year-old 36 00:01:29,790 --> 00:01:31,849 because I invented a new kind of laser. 37 00:01:31,892 --> 00:01:33,883 Trang, you are so smart. 38 00:01:34,328 --> 00:01:36,660 Babe, you're smothering me. 39 00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:39,029 You can be a big fish at home, then you get to med school 40 00:01:39,066 --> 00:01:40,192 and everybody's brilliant. 41 00:01:40,234 --> 00:01:42,225 Man, you brainiacs think you have it tough? 42 00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:43,566 My 'rents made me go to med school 43 00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:46,004 because everyone on my dad's side is a doctor. 44 00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:47,905 Okay, on my mom's side, everyone is a bounty hunter. 45 00:01:47,942 --> 00:01:49,807 I don't know why I couldn't go to school for that. 46 00:01:49,844 --> 00:01:53,712 Everyone in my entire family is counting on me to become a doctor. 47 00:01:54,148 --> 00:01:55,911 And just in case I forget that fact, 48 00:01:55,950 --> 00:01:59,078 my mom calls me every eight minutes to check in. 49 00:01:59,153 --> 00:02:00,211 I feel the pressure, too. 50 00:02:00,254 --> 00:02:03,621 Not so much from my parents, mostly because they think I'm dead. 51 00:02:05,759 --> 00:02:08,421 All right. Moving on. The nervous system. 52 00:02:11,365 --> 00:02:14,596 Bar codes? What the hell is this, a supermarket? 53 00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:16,398 That's a human being, for God's sake. 54 00:02:16,437 --> 00:02:19,770 Listen, old prospector, I know that any new machine scares you, 55 00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:21,274 but here's the well-held secret. 56 00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:25,210 You know that box that records your favorite television shows? 57 00:02:25,679 --> 00:02:27,874 There isn't a demon inside of it. 58 00:02:27,915 --> 00:02:29,906 Then how does it know what I like? 59 00:02:29,950 --> 00:02:32,043 I miss the good old days 60 00:02:32,086 --> 00:02:35,146 when doctors and patients actually got to know each other. 61 00:02:35,189 --> 00:02:37,851 You know, back when sexually harassing a nurse 62 00:02:37,892 --> 00:02:40,190 was just considered polite chitchat. 63 00:02:40,227 --> 00:02:41,956 Yes. The good old days. 64 00:02:41,996 --> 00:02:44,362 Back when a man of my color couldn't be a doctor, 65 00:02:44,398 --> 00:02:46,263 but could live out his lifelong dream 66 00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:49,997 of one day driving a white woman to her hair appointments. 67 00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:52,896 Yes, things were much better back then. 68 00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:55,374 See? Turkleton gets it. 69 00:02:57,545 --> 00:03:00,013 Happy test day. You know, I'll be there, so don't mess it up. 70 00:03:00,047 --> 00:03:02,880 - Crap, I'm already late. - Wait. Breakfast. 71 00:03:04,018 --> 00:03:06,179 Strawberry frosting? Nice. 72 00:03:06,220 --> 00:03:08,211 Yeah, you got fruit, dairy, enough sugar for a month. 73 00:03:08,255 --> 00:03:09,813 - What else do you need? - Spoon. 74 00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:11,848 Use your fingers, Queen Elizabeth. 75 00:03:12,226 --> 00:03:13,352 Mmm! 76 00:03:13,727 --> 00:03:16,093 Delicious. I'll see you later. I love you. 77 00:03:18,766 --> 00:03:20,358 Um... 78 00:03:20,401 --> 00:03:23,529 - What was that? - That just sort of slipped out. 79 00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:26,900 I'm gonna just assume that was the frosting talking 80 00:03:26,941 --> 00:03:29,933 'cause you know that's something I don't ever want to hear. 81 00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:32,707 - So, would you like to take that back? - Yes, please. 82 00:03:41,222 --> 00:03:43,690 Hello, again. Yeah, you know what? 83 00:03:43,958 --> 00:03:46,791 I don't want to take it back. 'Cause it's the truth. 84 00:03:46,827 --> 00:03:50,160 Since the second I met you, you've made everything in my life better. 85 00:03:50,197 --> 00:03:55,157 So, ha, yeah, I love you. 86 00:04:00,474 --> 00:04:02,874 Perry, I thought we agreed you wouldn't page me during lunch 87 00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:04,969 and I wouldn't make you do cool hip-hop handshakes. 88 00:04:05,012 --> 00:04:07,310 Fine. Then I owe you a fist bump and a peace out. 89 00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:09,043 But in the meantime, I need a surgical consult 90 00:04:09,083 --> 00:04:10,812 on a patient with ulcerative colitis. 91 00:04:10,851 --> 00:04:12,341 She is a lesbian. 92 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:16,686 Hey, babe, you ever thought about being with another chick? 93 00:04:16,857 --> 00:04:19,018 No, Cole. Ew! 94 00:04:21,662 --> 00:04:25,496 I only tell you this so that I can remain relatively guilt-free 95 00:04:25,532 --> 00:04:28,763 for when you do inevitably stick one of your size 13 caveman feet 96 00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:31,202 - firmly into your own mouth. - I can handle a lesbian. 97 00:04:31,238 --> 00:04:35,732 I'm a professional doctor. Give me what you owe me. Yeah, yeah. 98 00:04:36,844 --> 00:04:38,402 Yeah! 99 00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:40,640 All right, then. Books down, murderers. 100 00:04:40,681 --> 00:04:44,378 It is time to show off your useless regurgitation skills. 101 00:04:44,418 --> 00:04:46,113 Dr. Mahoney will be your proctor. 102 00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:49,418 There you go. Try not to tell the test that you're in love with it. 103 00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:57,288 Sorry, dawg. Already called shotgun on the lesbian. 104 00:04:57,331 --> 00:04:59,060 You can't call shotgun on a person. 105 00:04:59,099 --> 00:05:03,263 - All right, then. Dibs. - Damn it. Dibs works. 106 00:05:03,304 --> 00:05:06,205 Todd, I'll let you run point on this, but you gotta be cool. 107 00:05:07,241 --> 00:05:10,802 Hi, I'm Dr. Lesbian, I'll be your lesbian. 108 00:05:11,412 --> 00:05:13,471 I got it from here, Todd. 109 00:05:14,214 --> 00:05:17,115 - I said I've got it from here, Todd. - Okay. 110 00:05:19,386 --> 00:05:22,878 All right, then, gutter scum. I just found this cheat sheet. 111 00:05:22,956 --> 00:05:26,221 Any of you who left this room during the test, stays. 112 00:05:26,293 --> 00:05:29,091 The rest of you, get out! Out! 113 00:05:31,632 --> 00:05:34,396 Now, I gotta tell you that I feel pretty confident 114 00:05:34,435 --> 00:05:37,233 that I can maintain a certain level of calm 115 00:05:37,271 --> 00:05:40,832 if the owner of this would simply admit to it. 116 00:05:41,408 --> 00:05:42,432 Anyone? 117 00:05:43,744 --> 00:05:45,678 Go ahead and get that. 118 00:05:46,146 --> 00:05:50,674 Hi, Mom. No, the test isn't over, so I don't know my grade yet. 119 00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:53,278 I'm so sorry, it's really hard to get her off the phone. 120 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:55,345 I get that. My mom's the same way. 121 00:05:55,389 --> 00:05:56,549 Let me see this. 122 00:05:58,425 --> 00:05:59,858 That works. 123 00:06:18,207 --> 00:06:22,439 I found this cheat sheet in the unisex bathroom just outside this hall. 124 00:06:22,478 --> 00:06:25,003 So, either we have a Matt Damon-type custodian 125 00:06:25,047 --> 00:06:27,447 with an extensive knowledge of the central nervous system, 126 00:06:27,483 --> 00:06:28,882 or one of you cheated. 127 00:06:28,918 --> 00:06:34,117 And since just last week I saw one of our fine janitors eat a piece of chalk, 128 00:06:34,156 --> 00:06:35,316 I'm guessing the latter. 129 00:06:35,625 --> 00:06:38,526 Here's the deal. You're all going to be locked in this room 130 00:06:38,561 --> 00:06:42,292 until one of you comes forward and takes responsibility. 131 00:06:43,766 --> 00:06:45,961 I hope you all think long and hard about what you've done. 132 00:06:46,035 --> 00:06:49,004 No, no, no, no, no. Butch, this happened on your watch. 133 00:06:49,038 --> 00:06:51,006 - You're not going anywhere. - Would it make any difference 134 00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:52,507 if I told you I have a personal issue 135 00:06:52,541 --> 00:06:55,101 that makes staying in here really horrible for me? 136 00:06:55,144 --> 00:06:57,305 It would make me quite a bit happier. 137 00:06:57,346 --> 00:06:58,370 Ha. 138 00:07:00,149 --> 00:07:03,118 - Beth, this is Dr. Turk. - How are you doing? 139 00:07:03,286 --> 00:07:05,584 She must be your lady friend, huh? Your lover. 140 00:07:07,156 --> 00:07:08,316 I don't even know why I whispered that. 141 00:07:08,357 --> 00:07:11,155 I just don't know what you guys call each other nowadays. What is it? 142 00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:13,521 Are you uncomfortable around lesbians? 143 00:07:13,629 --> 00:07:16,621 What? Me? No. 144 00:07:20,469 --> 00:07:23,996 Nicole, I'm gonna run a series of tests on you, but it would help me out a lot 145 00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:26,167 if you could tell me what type of stomach pain you were having. 146 00:07:26,208 --> 00:07:28,073 It's not that bad, really. 147 00:07:28,110 --> 00:07:30,738 The truth is Beth wanted me to get checked out. 148 00:07:30,780 --> 00:07:34,477 We're going on vacation next week to Ibiza with a bunch of our girlfriends. 149 00:07:34,517 --> 00:07:41,389 And all we do is dance, drink and, uh, swim. 150 00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:46,994 Are you okay, Dr. Turk? 151 00:07:47,129 --> 00:07:51,361 Yeah, I'm fine. I was just thinking about my family vacation to Ohio. 152 00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:53,095 Yeah, we, uh... 153 00:07:54,837 --> 00:07:57,806 We visited two science centers and it was a lot of fun. 154 00:07:57,840 --> 00:07:59,205 My daughter got scared, though, 155 00:07:59,241 --> 00:08:01,436 so we had to spend most of the time in the car. 156 00:08:02,712 --> 00:08:03,770 It was pretty awesome. 157 00:08:04,313 --> 00:08:08,113 Twenty-eight, 29, 30. 158 00:08:08,150 --> 00:08:10,744 Damn, Trang, you are impervious to pain. 159 00:08:10,786 --> 00:08:12,048 Pay up, bitch. 160 00:08:12,088 --> 00:08:14,283 Dr. Cox has to let us out eventually. 161 00:08:14,323 --> 00:08:18,054 I mean, he can't keep us here forever. Can he? 162 00:08:23,733 --> 00:08:25,530 What's your secret? 163 00:08:25,835 --> 00:08:29,236 Shea butter and big, floppy sun hats. 164 00:08:29,271 --> 00:08:31,739 Oh, and I made a deal with a witch. 165 00:08:32,908 --> 00:08:36,503 How come witches never offer me a deal? I'm approachable. 166 00:08:37,013 --> 00:08:40,210 Drew, come on, just admit you cheated. It's okay. 167 00:08:40,383 --> 00:08:42,408 You didn't have time to study. You were out in a meadow, 168 00:08:42,451 --> 00:08:44,578 pressing wildflowers and writing love sonnets. 169 00:08:44,620 --> 00:08:47,783 Yes. Me telling you I love you makes me a 19th-century dandy. 170 00:08:48,691 --> 00:08:52,286 Hey, Maya, you and Trang both left during the test. Where were you? 171 00:08:52,361 --> 00:08:54,352 Guys, we all left at some point. 172 00:08:54,397 --> 00:08:56,922 She's right. We have to stop turning on each other, 173 00:08:56,966 --> 00:08:59,093 especially since it's so obvious that Cole is the one who cheated. 174 00:08:59,702 --> 00:09:02,102 I'm sure Cole has some great explanation. 175 00:09:02,138 --> 00:09:03,730 Cole, what were you doing in the bathroom? 176 00:09:03,773 --> 00:09:05,536 Doing my test prep, okay? 177 00:09:05,574 --> 00:09:07,735 Part one. Dropping a D. 178 00:09:07,843 --> 00:09:11,472 Part two. Using the mnemonics skills I picked up at ADD camp. 179 00:09:11,514 --> 00:09:14,540 Okay, I remember the circulatory system by singing Nickelback. 180 00:09:25,895 --> 00:09:27,829 Wow, that makes a kind of horrible sense. 181 00:09:28,230 --> 00:09:31,859 How'd that go for you? Awkward or really awkward? 182 00:09:31,901 --> 00:09:34,734 - Neither. Super awkward. - Oh! 183 00:09:34,804 --> 00:09:37,796 Look, Nicole's colitis is pretty advanced and surgery is too risky 184 00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:40,070 due to her diabetes and thrombocytopenia. 185 00:09:40,109 --> 00:09:41,508 We'll just treat her with steroids, then. 186 00:09:41,544 --> 00:09:43,842 She must be in a lot of pain. I wonder why she didn't tell me. 187 00:09:43,879 --> 00:09:47,576 Maybe she did, but you didn't hear her because you were fantasizing 188 00:09:47,616 --> 00:09:49,880 about being stranded on Lesbian Island. 189 00:09:49,919 --> 00:09:53,184 Is that a real place? Because I can leave tonight. 190 00:09:53,823 --> 00:09:56,223 - What? - We're just hard-staring you away. 191 00:09:56,559 --> 00:09:57,583 Oh. 192 00:10:00,663 --> 00:10:03,598 There's only one way to prove your innocence. 193 00:10:03,632 --> 00:10:05,293 It's a human lie detector test. 194 00:10:05,334 --> 00:10:08,064 I take your pulse and I ask you some basic questions. 195 00:10:08,104 --> 00:10:10,629 You can't tell if I'm lying. I play online poker. 196 00:10:10,673 --> 00:10:12,470 - You ever kissed a dude? - No. 197 00:10:12,508 --> 00:10:14,271 - Lie. - It was a lacrosse initiation. 198 00:10:14,310 --> 00:10:16,778 - I didn't even want to do it. - My God, your pulse is racing. 199 00:10:16,812 --> 00:10:18,871 Hey, forget this, man. What about you? 200 00:10:18,914 --> 00:10:21,940 I hope it was Drew and I hope he gets his butt thrown out of here. 201 00:10:21,984 --> 00:10:25,511 What did he do to you? Did he smack you around? 202 00:10:25,554 --> 00:10:28,682 Worse. He told me he loved me. Who does that? 203 00:10:28,724 --> 00:10:30,692 Don't you see? He's trying to get me to trust him 204 00:10:30,726 --> 00:10:32,023 so then he can just let me down. 205 00:10:32,061 --> 00:10:35,462 Crazy idea. You could just say "I love you" back. 206 00:10:35,498 --> 00:10:37,591 Yeah, but then if it doesn't work out, I'll have to kill him, 207 00:10:37,633 --> 00:10:40,761 go to jail, escape, come back and kill you for giving me that advice. 208 00:10:40,803 --> 00:10:44,239 I love how our friendship is based predominantly on threats, 209 00:10:44,273 --> 00:10:46,332 but as much as they do terrify me, 210 00:10:46,375 --> 00:10:50,675 I'm gonna go ahead and say it. You and Drew are awesome together. 211 00:10:50,713 --> 00:10:53,045 Quit being such a chicken and just go for it. 212 00:10:55,017 --> 00:10:56,985 Hey, you never told us why you were in the bathroom. 213 00:10:57,019 --> 00:10:58,486 In the bathroom taking a leak. 214 00:10:58,521 --> 00:11:00,455 Didn't you stop using public toilets 215 00:11:00,489 --> 00:11:03,583 after you lived in a gas station bathroom for a month? 216 00:11:03,659 --> 00:11:07,390 That's right. It was your fun fact at orientation. 217 00:11:07,429 --> 00:11:09,420 Maya's fact was she's color-blind, 218 00:11:09,465 --> 00:11:11,865 and Trang absorbed his twin sister in the womb. 219 00:11:11,901 --> 00:11:14,392 That's why he's so smart. My boy's got two brains. 220 00:11:14,436 --> 00:11:17,599 - That's not how it works, genius. - Why are you lying, Drew? 221 00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:20,768 - What are you covering up? - I was on the phone, all right? 222 00:11:20,943 --> 00:11:23,036 You made a phone call in the middle of a test? 223 00:11:23,078 --> 00:11:24,602 - To who? - It doesn't matter. 224 00:11:24,713 --> 00:11:25,737 Um... 225 00:11:26,215 --> 00:11:31,346 I can still feel you staring at me like a cheetah stares at a gazelle. 226 00:11:31,620 --> 00:11:33,110 I'm thinking. 227 00:11:35,057 --> 00:11:38,220 Fine. What the hell, I'll tell the jackass I love him. 228 00:11:38,260 --> 00:11:40,956 It was a personal call and it's nobody's business. 229 00:11:40,996 --> 00:11:42,827 It is our business, 'cause you weren't on the phone. 230 00:11:42,898 --> 00:11:44,525 - You were cheating. - I wasn't cheating. 231 00:11:44,567 --> 00:11:48,230 I can prove it. I was on the phone with my divorce lawyer. 232 00:11:48,904 --> 00:11:50,963 - You're married? - A little. 233 00:11:51,307 --> 00:11:52,797 You always put yourself at risk 234 00:11:52,841 --> 00:11:55,366 when you decide to trust someone else... 235 00:11:55,411 --> 00:11:57,379 Listen, I can explain. 236 00:11:59,949 --> 00:12:03,146 The good news is that we can manage your colitis with steroids. 237 00:12:03,185 --> 00:12:04,516 There are some side effects, however, 238 00:12:04,553 --> 00:12:06,783 including fatigue, insomnia and weight gain. 239 00:12:06,822 --> 00:12:08,551 Isn't there an operation I can have? 240 00:12:08,591 --> 00:12:13,051 Yes, there is, but with your preexisting conditions, surgery could prove fatal. 241 00:12:13,162 --> 00:12:15,926 ...whether you're trusting a patient to respond a certain way... 242 00:12:15,965 --> 00:12:17,933 I don't care, I want the surgery. 243 00:12:19,668 --> 00:12:23,798 ...or counting on your peers to let an awkward moment go by. 244 00:12:24,073 --> 00:12:28,066 Hey. How come you never introduced us to your wife? 245 00:12:28,110 --> 00:12:31,079 Oh! I get it. Her face is busted, right? 246 00:12:31,247 --> 00:12:33,078 I'm sick of this crap. 247 00:12:33,115 --> 00:12:36,141 Now, we all know I didn't cheat, so it's gotta be one of you. 248 00:12:36,185 --> 00:12:38,881 Maya? Trang? Lucy? 249 00:12:38,988 --> 00:12:40,319 It wasn't me. 250 00:12:40,356 --> 00:12:43,291 But the hardest thing is when people put their trust in you 251 00:12:43,325 --> 00:12:46,920 and you're the one who's been lying all along. 252 00:12:56,100 --> 00:12:58,466 - How'd that hair taste? - Like regret, 253 00:12:58,503 --> 00:13:00,664 and coconut because of my new conditioner. 254 00:13:00,705 --> 00:13:02,536 But mostly like regret. 255 00:13:02,607 --> 00:13:05,405 I never should have cheated. What am I gonna do? 256 00:13:06,511 --> 00:13:09,776 Hi, boys and girls. Anybody admit to anything yet? 257 00:13:11,182 --> 00:13:14,117 Here's what I'm going to do. If someone doesn't tell me who did it, 258 00:13:14,152 --> 00:13:16,086 I'm gonna make you all retake the test. 259 00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:17,883 It's gonna be a new test, gonna be 10 times as hard. 260 00:13:17,922 --> 00:13:22,416 It's not just gonna be on medicine. It's going to be on everything. 261 00:13:22,460 --> 00:13:25,088 Baseball statistics, North Dakota high schools, 262 00:13:25,129 --> 00:13:28,758 the geography of a made-up fantasy world I like to call Coxatopia. 263 00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:32,031 That's a magic land where the rivers run of scotch 264 00:13:32,069 --> 00:13:35,197 and hordes of pigs feed on the bones of cheating med students. 265 00:13:35,239 --> 00:13:37,730 Where's Mahoney and Drew? 266 00:13:38,576 --> 00:13:41,340 Okay, yes, I have a wife. Let's start there. 267 00:13:41,379 --> 00:13:43,108 It was a drunken mistake. 268 00:13:43,147 --> 00:13:44,478 I've been trying to get out of it ever since. 269 00:13:44,515 --> 00:13:46,608 What else haven't you told me? I mean, have any kids? 270 00:13:46,651 --> 00:13:47,913 Have you robbed a bank? Were you in a cult? 271 00:13:47,952 --> 00:13:51,581 No! No, and I wouldn't call it a cult. 272 00:13:51,622 --> 00:13:53,317 It was more like a marketing opportunity 273 00:13:53,357 --> 00:13:54,824 that ended with us all living on a compound. 274 00:13:54,859 --> 00:13:57,692 What the hell? Both of you get your asses back in that room. 275 00:13:57,728 --> 00:13:58,854 No. 276 00:13:59,297 --> 00:14:00,764 I'm gonna go ahead and give you a pass 277 00:14:00,798 --> 00:14:04,256 - because you have murder eyes. - But, you, go. 278 00:14:07,872 --> 00:14:10,534 I just think choosing surgery could kill you. 279 00:14:10,575 --> 00:14:14,238 Talk to your lady sidekick. What's the word I'm looking for? 280 00:14:14,278 --> 00:14:16,246 I don't want Beth knowing anything about this. 281 00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:20,341 I want the surgery and there's nothing you can say that'll change my mind. 282 00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:26,419 Please, tell me you've got some good news for me on this godforsaken day. 283 00:14:26,457 --> 00:14:29,187 She's still refusing steroids. I don't get it. What are we missing? 284 00:14:29,227 --> 00:14:31,821 As usual, you are missing the point. 285 00:14:31,863 --> 00:14:33,125 She walked in off the street 286 00:14:33,164 --> 00:14:36,224 and you didn't take the time to find out anything about her. 287 00:14:36,267 --> 00:14:40,533 She could be anybody. A princess or a terrorist or a hot lesbian. 288 00:14:40,571 --> 00:14:42,766 Bob, she is a hot lesbian. 289 00:14:42,807 --> 00:14:45,537 I knew one day that example would make sense. 290 00:14:45,576 --> 00:14:46,634 And we did talk to her. 291 00:14:46,677 --> 00:14:49,669 About her condition, but not about what makes her tick. 292 00:14:49,714 --> 00:14:53,980 You see, in the old days, when we knew everything about a patient, 293 00:14:54,018 --> 00:14:56,612 their decisions never surprised you. 294 00:14:56,821 --> 00:15:00,587 You find out more about that young lady, I bet you'll find the answer. 295 00:15:02,159 --> 00:15:05,287 If only there was a way to learn more about her. 296 00:15:06,330 --> 00:15:07,354 To the Internet! 297 00:15:09,734 --> 00:15:11,531 I'm not like your girlfriend, Dorian. 298 00:15:11,569 --> 00:15:13,264 I don't roll like that. 299 00:15:13,304 --> 00:15:16,068 All right. I'm just trying to make it through the day. 300 00:15:16,107 --> 00:15:17,665 As you please. 301 00:15:19,243 --> 00:15:22,178 This is Denise. Leave a message after the stupid beep. 302 00:15:22,213 --> 00:15:26,013 Denise, it's Drew. Look, if you're not into me anymore, that's fine, 303 00:15:26,050 --> 00:15:29,918 because there are a lot of women who get hot for married guys. 304 00:15:30,288 --> 00:15:31,448 Ha, ha, ha. 305 00:15:32,123 --> 00:15:37,026 Too soon? Probably. Look, I'm a jerk. And I'm a mess. 306 00:15:37,061 --> 00:15:39,461 And please call me back. 307 00:15:40,564 --> 00:15:43,260 I can't take this anymore. I have to turn myself in. 308 00:15:43,301 --> 00:15:45,565 Oh, babe, babe, you don't have to do that. 309 00:15:45,603 --> 00:15:47,468 I do. It's not right. 310 00:15:48,205 --> 00:15:49,797 Hey, guys. 311 00:15:50,174 --> 00:15:53,109 I'm really sorry I didn't say this hours ago, but the truth is... 312 00:15:53,144 --> 00:15:57,513 I cheated. All right? I told Lucy earlier and she's been protecting me. 313 00:15:58,182 --> 00:15:59,945 Boom. Twist. 314 00:16:00,051 --> 00:16:01,279 Wow! 315 00:16:01,319 --> 00:16:05,688 The cheating cheater who everybody thought cheated 316 00:16:05,723 --> 00:16:09,022 is the one who cheated. You're right, sweet twist. 317 00:16:11,162 --> 00:16:12,629 Dr. Cox, check this out. 318 00:16:12,663 --> 00:16:16,099 - My God. Is that Nicole? - Yes. 319 00:16:17,501 --> 00:16:18,900 Is this why you don't want to take steroids? 320 00:16:18,936 --> 00:16:20,904 Because you're worried about how much weight you're gonna gain? 321 00:16:20,972 --> 00:16:22,098 That was eight years ago. 322 00:16:22,139 --> 00:16:24,403 Beth has never known me like this and I don't want her to. 323 00:16:24,442 --> 00:16:28,538 We're talking about your health here. Beth is going to understand. 324 00:16:28,646 --> 00:16:30,170 Before you make any decisions, 325 00:16:30,214 --> 00:16:32,910 do yourself a favor and talk it over with your partner. 326 00:16:32,984 --> 00:16:35,418 Partner. Thank you. Partner. 327 00:16:35,453 --> 00:16:37,580 That's the word I was looking for. "Partner." 328 00:16:37,621 --> 00:16:40,385 You guys are lesbian partners together. 329 00:16:40,958 --> 00:16:43,859 I'm gonna just back out, but think about it. 330 00:16:45,863 --> 00:16:49,526 - Cole, what are you doing? - Baby, I'm untouchable at this school. 331 00:16:49,567 --> 00:16:51,432 I'll take the fall for you. 332 00:16:51,769 --> 00:16:55,967 And because this is so noble, I'm gonna walk out in dramatic slo-mo. 333 00:17:00,077 --> 00:17:01,806 You can't let him do this. 334 00:17:01,846 --> 00:17:05,976 Just tell them. I am the one who cheated. 335 00:17:06,017 --> 00:17:08,815 No, out loud. Tell them out loud. 336 00:17:08,853 --> 00:17:10,252 It was me. 337 00:17:13,758 --> 00:17:15,191 I was the one who cheated. 338 00:17:15,793 --> 00:17:20,253 Are you sure? Because we're all signed off on Cole taking the blame. 339 00:17:20,297 --> 00:17:23,164 Yes, I did it. I hate myself for it. 340 00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:26,636 I'm so sorry. It's just that I am drowning here. 341 00:17:27,371 --> 00:17:30,966 Ever since I got to med school, everything's been a struggle. 342 00:17:31,008 --> 00:17:32,600 I wanted a win. 343 00:17:33,010 --> 00:17:37,447 Something that I could tell my mom about without being full of crap. 344 00:17:37,481 --> 00:17:41,144 I'm really sorry, truly, for putting you all through this 345 00:17:43,054 --> 00:17:45,784 and I'll go tell Dr. Cox that I cheated. 346 00:17:58,131 --> 00:17:59,428 Come on, what would Carla say 347 00:17:59,465 --> 00:18:01,365 if she found out that you'd already been married once before? 348 00:18:01,401 --> 00:18:04,165 Yo, whoa, whoa! Don't even joke like that. 349 00:18:04,270 --> 00:18:06,295 If that gets back to Carla, I'm a dead man. 350 00:18:06,339 --> 00:18:08,739 Talking about me being married before Carla. 351 00:18:08,775 --> 00:18:11,209 Dr. Turk, you were married before? 352 00:18:11,244 --> 00:18:12,836 We're talking here. 353 00:18:13,112 --> 00:18:14,773 That's one of Carla's girlfriends. 354 00:18:14,814 --> 00:18:18,113 I can't have that. This is just as bad as if I were to call Carla bitchy. 355 00:18:18,151 --> 00:18:19,641 You think Carla's bitchy? 356 00:18:19,686 --> 00:18:21,449 No, I didn't say... 357 00:18:21,487 --> 00:18:25,685 Sheila, just take your butt to where it needs to be and stay there! 358 00:18:26,225 --> 00:18:28,284 I just feel like I finally found someone I can trust 359 00:18:28,328 --> 00:18:31,820 and then he goes and does this. I mean, what am I supposed to do now? 360 00:18:32,165 --> 00:18:33,632 Look at those two right there. 361 00:18:34,167 --> 00:18:36,101 I hear you. Everyone thinks I'm a little butch anyway. 362 00:18:36,135 --> 00:18:38,000 I mean, I might as well dive in. 363 00:18:38,037 --> 00:18:42,701 No. Denise, no. Nicole is one of my patients. 364 00:18:42,742 --> 00:18:45,939 And she was willing to risk death to keep her past from her partner. 365 00:18:45,979 --> 00:18:47,674 I just learned that word, by the way. "Partner." 366 00:18:47,714 --> 00:18:49,306 - I'm proud of you. - Sometimes when you really care 367 00:18:49,349 --> 00:18:53,979 about someone, you want them to know you just as you are right now, 368 00:18:54,020 --> 00:18:56,250 the best version of yourself. 369 00:18:56,289 --> 00:18:58,553 Are you really going to blame Drew for that? 370 00:18:59,592 --> 00:19:02,493 Hey. Guys, have you seen Dr. Cox? 371 00:19:02,528 --> 00:19:04,086 He went back to the lecture hall, 372 00:19:04,130 --> 00:19:07,531 mumbling something about feeding med students to pigs. 373 00:19:07,567 --> 00:19:08,795 Great. 374 00:19:10,069 --> 00:19:12,230 Deep breath. I can do this. 375 00:19:15,875 --> 00:19:20,141 Please, tell me exactly what part of "don't leave this room" is lost on you. 376 00:19:20,179 --> 00:19:22,545 - Look, Dr. Cox... - Go sit down. 377 00:19:23,082 --> 00:19:26,984 Now, since you all claim that you have no idea who the cheater is, 378 00:19:27,020 --> 00:19:30,251 the re-exam will be tomorrow morning at 4:00 a.m. 379 00:19:31,024 --> 00:19:33,390 Outside. Rain or shine. 380 00:19:33,493 --> 00:19:37,293 Although, if I were you, I'd plan for rain because I'm gonna bring a hose. 381 00:19:43,036 --> 00:19:46,369 What the Fraggle Rock just happened? You guys didn't turn me in? 382 00:19:47,206 --> 00:19:49,538 No, truth is I'm drowning here, too. 383 00:19:49,575 --> 00:19:52,544 And the only reason I'm surviving is because of you. 384 00:19:52,812 --> 00:19:56,646 I mean, this place is straight-up Chuck Norris. Tough as balls. 385 00:19:56,683 --> 00:19:58,742 We're all having trouble. 386 00:19:58,785 --> 00:19:59,979 Even you, Drew? 387 00:20:00,019 --> 00:20:04,922 No, but I've had, like, 15 second chances in my life. 388 00:20:05,358 --> 00:20:10,159 You deserve at least one, right? Just don't do it again. 389 00:20:10,530 --> 00:20:12,862 They say the truth will set you free, 390 00:20:12,899 --> 00:20:15,265 but sometimes you need a little push. 391 00:20:15,301 --> 00:20:17,735 She's gonna go with the steroids. 392 00:20:18,004 --> 00:20:19,562 Should we tell Kelso he was right? 393 00:20:19,605 --> 00:20:21,038 I'll just send him an e-mail. 394 00:20:21,074 --> 00:20:23,042 I'm pretty sure he doesn't even know how to turn his computer on. 395 00:20:23,076 --> 00:20:24,134 Mmm. 396 00:20:24,243 --> 00:20:26,302 Telling the truth's just the beginning. 397 00:20:26,345 --> 00:20:27,937 Owning it's the hard part. 398 00:20:27,980 --> 00:20:31,381 Hey, Mom. School's great. 399 00:20:34,353 --> 00:20:41,316 Actually, it's a lot harder than I thought and I'm having a really tough time. 400 00:20:42,261 --> 00:20:46,595 Because the one thing you can never run from is how you really feel. 401 00:20:46,966 --> 00:20:48,194 - Hey. - Don't talk. 402 00:20:48,234 --> 00:20:49,462 I have something to say. 403 00:20:49,502 --> 00:20:51,561 And after I say it, I don't want you to say anything back 404 00:20:51,637 --> 00:20:55,334 and I don't want you to look at me and I don't want it acknowledged at all. 405 00:20:58,711 --> 00:21:00,110 I love you. 406 00:21:02,682 --> 00:21:05,014 Now, don't talk to me for a couple of days. 407 00:21:09,655 --> 00:21:12,681 Carla, calm down, okay? I don't care what Sheila said. 408 00:21:12,725 --> 00:21:15,023 I was never married and I didn't call you bitchy. 409 00:21:15,061 --> 00:21:17,962 I know she's a good friend of yours, but that woman is crazy, baby. 410 00:21:17,997 --> 00:21:21,023 She's crazy. No, I... What do you... 411 00:21:21,067 --> 00:21:22,534 But that... 412 00:21:25,404 --> 00:21:31,070 Don't you hang up on me! Don't... Damn, my wife is annoying. 413 00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:36,576 What do you say? 20 bucks a head to keep your mouths shut? 414 00:21:36,616 --> 00:21:39,210 All right, follow me to the ATM. Come on.